2019 in Words
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There are many habits of the toddler stage I hope recede into the dark corners of my mind when we are all said and done with this stage. But there is a simple moment I want to keep in my heart forever.

As a new talker, Leo has an ever increasing vocabulary, but a very limited sound repertoire. Thus, many words, while to him are distinct and unique, to my foreign listening ears all sounds the same. Many of our conversations, therefore, go like this:

“Blah blah.”

“Do you want more banana?”

“No.” Aggressive shaking of head and furrowed brow. There is nothing lost in translation here. No means no.

“Do you want to get down?”

“No.”

“Do you want milk?”

“No!” Frustration is peaking. I brace for melt down.

“Do you want more bread?”

And that's when it happens. The moment I finally land upon the right word, his one specific desire (bread, always bread; don't know why I didn't lead with this,) and his eyes lights up in so much relieved joy and it is as if his smile cannot be contained on his face as he breathes out a resounding and clear YEAH!—this is that moment. This is that memory, the one I hope I never forget. 

For nothing matches the grin and sigh of relief of an understood child. 

Yes that's it! he might say if he could. You get me! You understand! But he can't say this so he just beams a beautiful reflection of relief and joy.

I recognize this feeling—of being seen, of being heard, of being known. 

This feeling is why I write.

There is this funny thing that happens as a writer where everything you see and do and hear around you becomes writing material. I can't seem to escape it. The way he moves his body, the little conversation we have in the car, the simplest most mundane tasks we perform every day. Each of these tiny moments, when I look at it just right, becomes a lesson, a lesson I need to get down in words.

Sometimes it takes me awhile to get to that lesson. It often takes many attempts before the awareness surfaces. But when it does, I feel like a toddler who just got the bread she wanted. 

Yes that's it! I say to myself. You get it! You understand! The relief, the joy—its an intoxicating feeling. 

I often say I write for me. I write the things I need to hear. This is always true.

But I also recognize that my words are for you, too. And my wish for you is that through my words, you find some of this relieved joy, too. This feeling of being seen, being heard, being known—I want this for you, too, dear readers.

This is why I write. For me. For you. For that shared feeling of recognition. I am equal parts humbled and relieved and proud to share these words with you. It's not bread, but it's still pretty good.

I am a forever fan of year end reflections. I believe in growth and celebration and looking back to march forward is the smartest way to do this. But I also require a long runway for this process. My new year doesn't necessarily start on the first. This means I take a cue from Mary in the Christmas story and I ponder in my heart for most of December. Then once things quiet down in January and the glitter and confetti swept clean, my head is more clear and prepared for reflection.

But I can tell you without any need for pondering or deep thoughts that my greatest strength and improvement this year was in my writing. It is an area of growth in which I am most proud. And I think the best place to begin with year end reflections is in a space of pride for our own development. 

So I begin with reflections slowly today with 2019 in words, narrowed down to 19 because I need limits.  These are my favorite moments of writing that gave me that YEAH! feeling this year. As always, I am grateful for you that you come alongside me as I share these words with you. 

  1. Gardening lessons teach us more than Gardening. This post represents two new things for me this year—my venture into a large vegetable garden, and my venture as a regular contributor for Twin Cities Mom Collective.

  2. On Fall Leaves, baby hairs and relief Two essays I mulled around for quite awhile until just the right aha moment to pull them together.

  3. An introverts holiday survival guide This resonated with many, an example of being seen, heard, and known.

  4. Raise your mom game I have wanted to do this series for awhile and I am so glad I finally got it going. So technically this represents four different essays, with more to come..

  5. Let them be little This one came together on a visit to the park, and written the moment I returned.

  6. When I unhook them And this one came together on a bike ride to the coffee shop and written the moment I parked my bike. I love these kinds of inspirations in writing.

  7. Lessons on Beginning I learned this winter/spring/summer soon to be fall. Technically this is three, but I throughly enjoy this series of revisiting my word of the year through lessons learned.

  8. Just one more mile The aha moments I have whilst running.

  9. Acknowledgements to a mother writer My favorite practice of documenting my efforts.

  10. I am a writer I said it. A bold move.

  11. He is one Words to honor my last baby.

  12. On going slow

  13. On anxiety

  14. On the changing of seasons

  15. On learning to ride a bike.

  16. On the blessing of goodbye - Also my first attempt at poetry. It was fun. I want to do more.

  17. On abundance

  18. On having a rhythm

  19. On Patience

There are a few other things I wrote in2019 that I love but they will all be published in 2020. What an exciting way to enter into a new year—already with the anticipation of efforts soon to be accomplished.

A toast to many more moments of relieved joy through writing in the New Year!

Design credit to phoenixfeatherscalligraphy for C+C, 2019

Design credit to phoenixfeatherscalligraphy for C+C, 2019

This post was written as part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to read the next post in this series “2019.”

Rachel Nevergall Comment
Stocking Ideas You Might Not Have Thought Of
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It’s Monday morning, nine sleeps until Christmas, four sleeps until our family heads out for our two week trip around the Midwest, as we do. We are in that interesting confluence where Christmas-ing meets leaving out of town-ing. I am staring at a pile of unfinished Christmas crafting projects. I consolidated the multiple to-do lists 18 times. Dinner plans for the next week consist of whatever I can find shoved to the back of the freezer. Apparently you can’t make a lunch from a dried up baked potato and sweet and sour sauce packets so we had to make an emergency run to the grocery store before preschool drop off for lunchables (gasp!—Mom, YAY!—kids). And yes, the littlest is still wearing his pajamas because wrestling him into clothes sounds like too much work but they are elf jammies so we’re calling it festive!

So, in other words, we’re right on schedule.

Every year I say I’ll be more on top of things. And every year I end up right back here, in a humble, messy, joy-anticipating pile of Christmas. Oh, but isn’t it fun?

Planning ahead is for boring people.

In a bit, I am off to my mother land, Ye Olde Trader Joe’s, for some stocking stuffer searching. It’s my favorite place to stock up on something fun to bring delight to a sock. Every member of my family, on both sides, gets into the spirit of the stocking. Because big things are fun, but tiny joys are what we live for.

Today I thought I would share with you some of my favorite stocking stuffer ideas in four different categories: travel activities we use all the time that make great stocking stuffers for kids, Trader Joes items I love that your people might love too, a few things for Dad because he’s rad, and of course, my favorite category, the things I put in MY sock.

Most are available at a click of a button, just in case you are like me and need a little help finding the tiny joys to round out your Christmas.

Travel Toys That Stand The Test of Time

You know already we are big family travelers around here. One of the key ingredients to successful travel is entertainment. These are all well loved toys we always have on hand in the car or at a restaurant or other place little hands need to be kept busy. They easily fit into a small backpack or purse. And they provide for open ended fun, which is always my goal with toys.

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There are toobs for any interest. Something about those tiny figures that sends my children into imagination world. This astronaut one caught my eye.

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These plus plus blocks are so simple but perfect for building. I am always impressed with what they can create.

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These magnetic wooden blocks are EXPENSIVE for the size. But they are a true example of stand the test of time. All ages love them. They are sturdy, come in a convenient travel bag, and really provide more fun than the small package shows.

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We were at a pizza restaurant and instead of crayons, the waiter handed our kids these. I was hooked. Again, fun, open ended, creative, small. Noticing a trend?

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I have yet to bring window markers into the car, but I’m going to try it. These would also be great on the plane. Wipe off easily with a baby wipe.

A Trader Joes Christmas

Every year I walk the aisles of Trader Joes (rough, I know) and look for some of my favorite products to fill up the stocks of my loved ones. There are plenty of new items this time of year which makes it fun. But I have also started to find that one product I REALLY love and use all the time. LIKE THIS!!! Then I include a list of my favorite ways to use that item. Another fun thing to do is pick a really great recipe I loved this year and grab one shelf stable ingredient from that recipe to gift. This year, some special people are getting a jar of turmeric and this fave recipe.

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I snapped a picture last year of my Trader Joe’s stocking haul, and I believe all or most of these items are still available this year. Warning: those brandy chocolates are dangerously delicious.

A Few Things for your Rad Dad

Dad’s are rad, but they can also be tricky to shop for, at least the dads in my life. Here are a few winning ideas I have had for Mike over the years.

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Magazine subscriptions are perfect to stuff into a stocking. Kindle books too.

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This is specific to our area, but many cities have their own version of a pub pass so look around. Its been a fun thing to do, particularly to get to know a new city. Coupon books work well too.

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I always stick a handful of GU energy packs into socks. You can can never have too many, particularly during ski season.

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This year I am sticking a package of nuts into Mike’s sock for him to keep at his desk for the mid day hunger hit, along with a coupon for free refills for a year.

The Things I Put in my Sock

Do you fill up your own stocking? I think this might be my favorite tradition. I take such great delight in treating myself.

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Usually I go for the things I have been eyeing in the beauty department but haven’t been able to pull the trigger. The target travel section is a perfect place for this. I have found some new fave products by testing them out in tiny version first.

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These gold and snail hydrogel eye patches sound fancy because they are.

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Also fake eye lashes aren’t just for the Kardashians. Get yourself some for your next date night!

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This jade roller is a real treat. Get one for all your favorite ladies, and men for that matter.

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Magazine subscriptions are great for me too. There are always deals this time of year.

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Recently, as I noticed friends on the internet sharing ways to support their work through Patreon or some of the small printable resources they create, I decide this would be a great time to invest in something like that. It is a great way to support your friends doing creative work and also treating yourself to a small gift.

Well, get the to your nearest tiny shop emporium and fill those stockings with joy!

Raise Your Mom Game // Traveling with Kids
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I could tell you stories about travel with children that would haunt your dreams.

Like the time we drove 22 hours with a child who, unbeknownst to us, had a double ear infection and her continued coughing woke the baby who HATED car driving causing him to wake up and begin screaming until he cried himself to sleep only to be woken ten minutes later by another hacking cough that could be from an 84 year old man but instead came from the four year old child, who needed antibiotics yesterday. And this repeated itself for most of the 22 hour journey. Also, why is this car so cold? Oh I see. The heater has gone out. On our drive through the midwest. In the winter.

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But I won’t tell you about that story. Because it might scare you so much you will never consider road tripping with your children. And if that was the case, than you would miss out on one of the best all American family adventures that ever was.

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Instead of a story, I’m going to tell you this: long distance travel is WORTH IT. And I know this because we are an experienced road tripping family. I don’t mean experienced in the sense that now traveling with kids is simple and easy because we have figured out exactly what works every time (is there ANY part of parenting that fits that description?) I mean experienced in the way that we have tried and failed, tried and failed, and then sometimes tried and found some wonderful wins. Some of these wins were found by happenstance. But many came from other experienced traveling moms. It’s time for me to pay that forward.

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Today I present another installment of Raise Your Mom Game: The Travel with Kids Edition. Here are a collection of great ideas, many of which have been trialled by my family and given approval. Because, like I always say, moms are the smartest people I know. And we all love to share in the collective genius.

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  1. Have one hour for screen time and one hour of for other non screen entertainment. I am a strong believer in all things in moderation, except during car travel. We binge on snacks, screens, and general fun saved only for points of survival. However, I found that on really long drives, my kids turned into cranky zombies if their eyes fixated too long on a screen. On our most recent road trip we implemented this strategy and it was such a success. Setting a timer also makes someone else the bad guy. And somehow the time goes more quickly when we go hour to hour. The off screen time was reserved for reading, new games and toys, audio books, or staring off into the open range and listening to music, my favorite car activity.

  2. Audio fun across all genres. I check out new music CDs from the library (mostly because by the end of the trip I never want to hear the same songs again) but if you have unlimited data on your phones and options for bluetooth connection, you could use streaming services for more options. We also love podcasts. Story Pirates is a favorite. But a new find this summer was Smash Boom Best. Finally, a good audio book is fun. We listened to Laura Ingalls Wilder On the Banks of Plum Creek this summer and it was so delightful. Harry Potter is also a big win if that is a part of your family.

  3. Pack snacks into baggies. Fill up a container for your kids to have access to on their own terms. Does this sound like a recipe for car sickness? The idea of kids binging on endless fruit snacks? I thought so. But it turns out kids have a better ability to regulate than we know. It was SOO much better to take that endless request out of the car. Instead it was replaced with "how much longer?"

  4. And for that, I would like to add a new part of the epic road trip with a moving car image. I have heard about this but not implemented yet. One way is to put a string across the two front seats and clip a cut out of a car on the string, moving it closer to the end of the string as the end of the trip draws near. I think this visualization would be most helpful for my visual learning and impatient four year old.

  5. For the off hours, the bag of surprises is always a win. I always have a few things I keep for car trips and restaurant/church time. And I plan on doing a big round up of my favorites for you in a subsequent post. A few suggestions from other moms have been be sure to save enough for both the trip to AND home. Sometimes we focus so much on the trip TO a place, we forget we have to do the whole thing again in a week or two. Another mom mentioned saving happy meal toys and party favors all year in a container and ONLY bringing them out on road trips. The important things about the surprise bag is the novelty. You can hit up the dollar section of any store, but thrift stores tend to sell those tiny things in bulk for even cheaper. Remember, you are not going for awesome toys here. Just something fun to pass the time.

  6. Give Car Bucks for good behavior to spend on souvenirs. We have not done this behavior, mostly because I hate the constant threat of "be good to earn this." But I think this would work well with older children.

  7. Put biggest kid next to small kid so they can help them. This summer instead of putting our middle child in the middle row, we put him in the back right next to his older sister. This way, if he needed anything, watching a show, opening a snack, reaching his water, etc., his sister was close enough to help him. Also, she could read a book to him or they could play together. And somehow having both kids in the way back away from adults, we fielded fewer requests because it was just not possible to help.

  8. Lego challenges. A friend who traveled with her five children ages 9-1 from MInnesota to Florida last spring (I know, impressive.) mentioned bringing legos along for her kids. LEGOS??!! In the CAR??!! That was my thought. And yes, that meant some were scattered around the floor (amongst all the other disgusting things after a trip with kids.) But with the addition of lap tables, it was a great break up the time activity. Each kid would have heir own baggie of legos and then I would give the kids a challenge—a bed that can fly, a super awesome shovel to help with snow clearing, a creepy alien—and they would get to work.

  9. Stock up on new books at thrift stores or library book sales. New books are always more interesting than old books.

  10. Search and find books are great for non readers. The library is a great place for sourcing these.

  11. Wake up early, 3 AM. Often buys us an extra 3-4 hours of quiet driving. Much better than pushing through the witching hour.

  12. Meals doesn’t always have to be fast food. Find a local park, pack cheese and crackers and fruit, etc. Throw a blanket on the ground and let the kids run laps around you. This is obviously a warm weather plan. But we have also brought our own food into a rest stop and let the kids run around the lobby. While pre kids me would prefer to eat on the go and only stop for emergencies, post kids me knows even a 20 minute break out of the car does wonders for everyone’s spirits.

  13. The envelope game. A friend, who also shares epic road trips with her family, shared this idea she does with her children on road trips. Each half hour-ish they open up an envelope with a new game/activity. I think this is another great way of breaking up the hour on/hour off technology.

    The next few came from my friend from Alaska who travels often with her family to the mainlands. That means LOTS of time on an airplane. These are great suggestions if this is part of your journey.

  14. Dress everyone in the same color to help in scanning during airport walks.

  15. Pack window clings for airplane windows, but I would argue they would be great for cars too.

  16. Small blankets for overnight flights. I would also recommend this for the car, especially in the winter. There is something about pulling a blanket over your body that says "time to sleep."

  17. It’s best to think of the trip in chunks, just Point A to Point B. Rather than thinking of the entire day and all of the connections you have to make, just think about it one step at a time. Just get to the next stop. Just get to lunch. Just get through nap time. etc.I need this advice because when I get anxious, it is usually because I am adding up in my head the 38 hours I will need to entertain my children in a moving vehicle over the next two weeks. I would be best to think of it in much smaller terms.

  18. Sometimes the goal is just getting from point A to point B, as my friend described. So often we tell ourselves it is just a day. A really crappy long day. And then we will get to where we need to be and let the adventure begin. But then other times the road trip IS the adventure. I try not to let this be the expectation. I like to keep the bar just an inch off the ground. But I also learned, on the super long distances, having mid drive fun to stretch legs turns a task into an adventure. Sometimes it’s a random road side stop. Sometimes it’s a hotel with a pool. Sometimes it’s camping in a teepee. And sometimes it’s just a Mcdonalds with a happy meal and a play place. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Just changing the perspective from "ugh, road trip" to "yay, road trip!" makes a hug difference.

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I know I promised I wouldn’t tell you that nightmare story. But let’s say it is true. And let’s say I told you the rest of the story.

Despite the things I said along the interstate when I calculated still two or more hours left in our journey and I began swearing not so softly under my breath that there was NO WAY we would be doing this again, we made it. The car pulled into the driveway, we pried sticky, coughy, tear stained children out of the car, and handed them into the wide open arms of loving grandparents. Everyone got a bath and a hot meal and nice long sleep in a cozy bed (and one got antibiotics the next day.) And the next morning, we woke up to a home filled with people we miss ever too much. Before we knew it, we were all on the Polar Express bound for the North Pole, making memories to quickly erase the ones from the nightmare drive of the day before. Suddenly our home we left behind us didn’t feel so far away. It kind of felt like home was right here, with the people we love.

Every time. Every single time. It is worth it.

But it sure makes it worth it even more when you have a few good ideas packed in your suitcase to go along for the ride.

PS. You’ll notice very few of these ideas applies to a child under two. This is because I really have zero ideas. Mostly my only advice is to survive. So if you are a genius in this area, please send help! I have a two week adventure ahead of us and I could use all the tricks.

GIftsRachel NevergallComment