I am so unbelievably moved by all of the hoopla at the Democratic National Convention this week. After a week of negativity and name calling from last week, it was such a welcoming emotional relief. All of the tears. All of the cheers. All of the love for the love and the hope and the positivity. 

But my thoughts and feelings on this historic moment is another post for another day. Too epic for my thoughts to wrap around quite yet.  

When moved beyond words, I tend to take things down to a micro level. One that rests within the walls of my home and my family and my heart. I can't even begin to speak on the marvelocity (A word I coined because I can) that is the FLOTUS. So much love for her. But what I am ready to speak on is what stood out to me in the speech of U.S. Senator Cory Booker. That man can preach. And while he was speaking to move the party and celebrate the presumptive presidential nominee, Hillary Clinton [EDIT: NOW OFFICIAL NOMINEE! WHOOT WHOOT!], he called the listeners’ attention to an African proverb that he believes embodies what we need in our leaders.

“If you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together.”

— African Proverb

(Now first let me also call your attention to this article, that through tongue in cheek reminds us it probably isn’t really an African proverb. By no means am I giving all the credit to some wise African soothsayer. I just happen to really enjoy words of affirmation.) 

Nonetheless, as much as our country and those who are called to lead us need those sound words to guide them, this mom and her two small children she is called to lead needs them just as desperately.

"Caroline, can you maybe walk a little faster? It’s so hot out here and you are taking forever."

"When are you going to walk? My arms cannot carry you any longer."

"We need to go. You are making me crazy!"

"I just feel like things will be so much easier when [enter current exhausting phase] is over. I just can’t handle this any longer."

I, me, my. Pronouns that speak of my voice in this life we lead. My voice is important. And my body too. And this body wants to get going. This voice wants her children to listen.

But what about their voice and their bodies? Don’t they deserve the same rights to move and grow and speak?

Hurrying along our day to check off the to-do lists is a constant struggle, one which I may not be prepared to fully embrace the change quite yet. But what I feel I need to pay attention to is that last part, hurrying along from one developmental stage into the next. 

So often I equate speed with accomplishments. We did it! Another tough stage is down! Oh no, here comes another one. I’m going to be ready for it. Can’t fall behind. Gotta keep moving. One skill leads to the next and to the next and to the next they say. So we gotta be ready. We check the boxes of developmental skills and to do lists.  First foods, check. First words, check. First steps, check. 

This check list hangs over the head of every new and well informed parent. You answer the questions at the doctor’s office, at the playground, on social media as you do the math “Wait, isn’t he younger than my child? Why is he able to XYZ already?”

So we speed them along on our own agenda because the books or the news story or the stranger in the grocery store makes us think that it must be time. And we ourselves are supposed to be the leaders and the guides. Aren’t we called to get them from point A to point B? Don’t we know better? Isn’t our agenda most important?

But what we miss when we let this agenda of hurry be our guide, is the life and direction and will of the child who’s well being is alive in this picture too. They want to grow and change and move as much as we want them to. But they want to do it in their own time. And they don’t want to do it alone. They want to do it side by side us. Holding our hand. Watching our faces. Telling us their story with each new step.

What I believe is so important when watching our children make developmental strides throughout their day and week and year, is to realize how we learned about child development in the first place. Before there were email alerts for What to Expect This Week and before there were chat rooms with “expert parents” and before there were even doctors who told you what you needed to know, there were scientists. And to learn about children and their development they sat down and watched them. They made observations and lists. They studied how and when a child goes from the point A, where we are living right now with our little ones, to the point B, where we so desperately want them to get to next. And it was from this knowledge, from just using the child as the guide, that we created these milestones in the first place. Not the other way around. 

Maybe we need to be more like the scientists than the experts that wrote the books and made the charts and told the doctors. Maybe instead of speeding along from one milestone to the next, because surely it will be better over on that side, maybe we actually need to slow down, watch our children, and figure out what they want, when they are ready. Maybe we need to listen, either with our ears or with our hearts. These small people have a lot to tell us. And if we do this together I bet we’ll get pretty far.

The picture I see if I'm not careful is one of me running ahead to the next stop, forever looking behind me at my children who are SO DARN SLOW, calling them to catch up. Instead, the picture that I think needs to come into focus is like the one above. Hand in hand, doing this thing together. Me watching them grow, them watching for my guidance, me holding them up, them feeling like they can't fall. And while I'm watching them and they are watching me, I look up and what do you know, we are there! The surprise of the arrival is so much sweeter when we do it together, when I look at my children instead of the goal ahead.

So readers, and voters, as I see it, we have a choice between two speeds: we can go fast, with our own agenda, alone and perhaps with disrgard to our fellow citizens, or we can stop and listen, look to either side of us to those who have a voice as much as our own and figure out how to get ahead together. If I'm working on that last part, surely we all can too.

Here’s another proverb that I'm going to credit to the stranger in the grocery store.

“They grow up so fast. Enjoy it while you can.”

— Stranger in the Grocery Store

I’ll bet if I take their hand and go together with them as they grow, I’ll bet we’ll get pretty far. And maybe slow down that growing thing a little bit and enjoy a thing or two. 

This is not a story of a girl with a new weight loss plan. This is not how I lost those last few pounds of baby weight, how I am building strong lean muscles, how I am burning calories so I can eat this piece of chocolate cake. Those all sound like mighty goals. But this is not why I move.

I move to clear my head. I move to set an example for my children. And I move because if I give myself a goal as simple as just move, I am more likely to keep it.

I have spoken before about my goal to “just move.” It lifted me out of the sludge of post-partum woes (and whoa-s). It served as a launching pad into a half marathon training. And it gave me another tool for my tool belt of dealing with child and parent grumpiness.

The plan is simple.

1. Just move.

2. Every single day.

3. No other rules apply.

For a girl who follows a running training plan judiciously, this is a pretty loose (and somewhat frightening?) plan. But I discovered the absence of rules was what I craved in the in-between stages of training.  In this stage of life, if the goal is as simple as just move every single day, surely there are no excuses that could prevent me from success?

Oh but there are. Many in fact.

First let me tell you what I am good at: making up excuses for not moving.

Second let me tell you what I am getting better at: proving myself wrong.

As I have been implementing my three step plan, I have had to do a little two-stepping with all the excuses. And I began to think; surely I’m not the only one who excels at excuse making? Perhaps I should share a bit of what has worked for me. And maybe you’ll have some wisdom of your own.

1. It is too gosh darn hot.

If you know me at all you might know a thing or two about how very little I enjoy the Texas heat. For the past few summers I put a moratorium on running come June 1 until early October. I just could not bring myself to sweat like that. Ridiculous.

But something changed this summer. We needed to get out whether to keep the kids entertained or to complete an errand. And the stroller somehow seemed more bearable than the sauna of the car. And even walking I got super super sweaty. So I decided I might as well run. And before you know it, I was running, at 10:00 in the morning with temperatures already in the 90s. And I wasn’t mad. I was sweaty. But it’s summer. I’m going to get sweaty. Might as well burn a few calories while we’re at it. The runs aren’t pretty (read next excuse for more of this) but that wasn’t the goal. The goal is to move. And when I told myself I could earn a jump into the pool when we got back or a snack break under the big oak trees at the park or maybe an ice cool shower during nap, being hot on my runs was not all that bad.

Too hot? Give yourself the motivation of a cool treat when you’re done.

2. Pushing that 94 pounds of stroller and children might as well be uphill both ways in a wind tunnel.

Double jogging strollers! (she says as she shakes her fist in the air.) We love and hate you. Double jogging stroller running should be an Olympic sport. And I would also never come close to qualifying.

Unless the qualification was to just do it. Then put me on a Wheaties box. Because that my friends is my only qualification with the double jogging stroller. Just do it.

I set no time or distance goals. I gladly stop at every stop light. I do not feel bad when the old lady out for her morning walk has to go around me because I am too slow.

I am not just getting in cardio, I am getting a total body workout. The arms, the abs, probably some back muscles, I don’t know. Either way, that thing is a beast and I have just decided regardless of how ridiculously slow I am, I am working out.

Also, seeing as our home is situated on the top of a hill (ok sort of, basically everything is slightly angled down from here so that counts as a hill) it is always easier for me to go out. So I pick an end point, park, library, grocery store, and finish my work out there. Gravity works with me on the tough run part, and the walk home is just bonus exercise.

On days when I really want to feel like superwoman, I drive us to the big hilly parts of town. Going up and down thse hills I may only cover as little as 2 miles. But I feel infinitely stronger than I did the day before because I just pushed 94 pounds up a steep incline. Boo yah.

Jogging stroller sucks? Yes. Yes it does. But you don’t suck even if you push it at a snail’s pace. Own that.

3. I am bored.

I have spoken before about dance club music that fuels my runs. However, as mentioned above, I’m not going for speed or power. I’m just trying to get out there. My music doesn’t have to make me feel bad ass, it just has to keep me entertained.

So I  switched up my playlist and I’m loving it. Here’s what I have scrolling through lately:

Kid Runner – number one choice for upbeat, go get it music. This is my cousin Fran’s band so I may  be a little biased. But I believe everyone should have some Kid Runner as the soundtrack to their "just move" life. Their first single aptly titled Move gets me every time. Add them to your play list. You won’t regret it and you will feel very cool.

Pandora Station Summer Hits of the 90s Radio - Nothing makes you feel young and fit and carefree like remembering your high school days. And nothing will make you reminisce more than turning on this Pandora station (Unless you are my mom, and then I’m sorry. This is the wrong station to remind you of high school.) I will be jamming to some Third Eye Blind or Red Hot Chili Peppers and feel like I am back in cross country practice when all of the body parts were smaller and where they should be. It’s the best kind of distraction.

Shakey Graves – A local Austin guy who has made it big. His way with the guitar lulls me into a trance when I’m doing ab work. And it has a way of making it feel so normal and day-to-day instead of a crazy power hour.

Bored with your tuneage? Change it up!

4. I didn’t make it to my workout class on time so now I have no idea what to do.

There are some great classes offered at our local Y. Or so I have heard. Because I rarely make it out of the house and into the doors on time to catch the one that works for us. We are either too early or too late. And for so long this would frustrate me. I would be forced to walk into the gym instead and look around pretending I knew what I was doing when really I needed a manual just to start the treadmill. Embarassing.

But that changed when I found two fantastic apps (there is always an app for that) with workouts I love.

The Nike Training App - Designed specifically for women, this app provides more than 85 instructor-narrated fitness routines—basically it's an audio-only exercise video you can play from your phone. It allows you to create your own playlist while listening, pumps you up as you go along, and, if ever you don't understand what the instructor is talking about, you can click into a video demonstration for each move. I love the format of moves at 30-60 intervals with high and low intensity. It’s my own private workout class. I even used this through pregnancy and loved it.

Barre 3 App – I recently found this one when I missed my Barre 3 classes so much but wasn’t willing to pay for the $19 monthly online fee or the $20 individual class. For only $5 you can have over 70 different 10-minute workouts plus recipe ideas and tips. Only 10 minutes left before the kids wake up? Do a quick video. 40 minutes? Stream 4 together. These workouts are both killer and accessible and I love what they do (or are trying to do!) to my body. Also, you can stream your own music for these as well. Kid Runner and Barre 3 make a great team!

Missed your class? There’s an app for that.

5. He won’t go to the child care without an epic screaming battle followed by my workout interrupted 15 minutes later.

My darling Velcro baby is not a fan of separating from his mother unless he is in charge. Dropping off at gym childcare is brutal. I avoided the gym for months because it felt like a waste to be distracted from the screaming child I just left only to have my workout interrupted by staff only 15 minutes into my workout when he wouldn’t calm down.

But recently I really wanted to give it another try. After the same sad drop off routine, I walked into my yogalates class doubtful. I apologized to the instructor in advance for when(not if) they had to come pull me out of the class. She told me “I’ll think positive vibes. Meanwhile, I’ll work you like crazy until they walk in that door.” They never came in. I had the best workout in such a long time. And I think I owe it to the instructor’s reassuring positivity. You have this moment right now and you never know when it will be end. So make the best of it.

Since then I have let that philosophy guide my workouts. I may only have 10 minutes so I don’t waste time getting to work. I start up my workout and see it as a game to race the clock. Today it was 22 minutes. Defeated, I walked in to pick him up after they flagged me down. But by that point he had put himself to sleep and the lovely ladies shooed me right out. This is where those 10 minute workout are amazing. I didn’t feel like I had to start back from zero. I didn’t waste any time getting back into a workout. I did 2 more 10 minute videos and finished strong. Just move. Even a little bit at a time.

Kids hate the child care? Make it the best 10 minutes of your day and it may turn into 20!

6. It's too late to workout.

The sexiest three words my husband ever said to me: “I got bedtime.”

I knew what he meant. Mealtime was another circus. The day was long and it was showing on my face. We were leaving that week for vacation and the to-do list was growing. But he could see I needed a workout. And he was giving me the most glorious free pass from one of my least favorite times of day. Bedtime. I tore out of my chair and barely kissed the kids goodnight.

I have never liked working out after 7:00. Mealtime in our house is important even if it drains me. So waiting to eat until after an evening workout is out of the question. And heavy cardio after food is nauseating. But yoga is exactly what I need at 7:00. It is the ideal transition from hairy day into peaceful night sleep. It pushes out all the days toxins and prepares me for another day. Much like a glass of wine only with more breathing.

It took me awhile to put yoga into the same category as just move but I am so glad I am adding this into my repertoire.

Too late to work out? There is always time for yoga.

7. I don’t want to.

Yep. Of course that one is always in there.  This is where I enter in the greatest warrior for battle: podcasts.

Podcasts have changed my life this year. This is not an exaggeration. Name me anything I hate doing and I will show you how adding in a podcast can make it better, at least tolerable. I have upped my cleaning game (I said upped, not perfected. Baby steps here.) I will gladly fold laundry and then PUT IT AWAY. And no sink of dishes has ever been tackled without a background of podcasts.

Why podcasts? Multitask, folks. That is why. Learning and escaping and laughing and aha-ing all whilst making those toilets shine. I love to learn and I love it so much that I am willing to do anything while learning. I challenge you to make a list of things that bring you joy and then go find a podcast that fulfills that. Because it can be done. And if you doubt it, then put the task to me. I’ll find you one. In fact, I think a blog of all my favorites needs to come soon.

So when I have scrolled through all the excuses and the true and honest answer is I just don’t want to, then I put in my headphones, learn something new, and move my feet while I am doing it. It’s just that simple.

Don’t want to move? Then don’t “just move.” Move while learning. Game changer.

There you have it. Seven of my best excuses and the little ways I’m tackling them to keep up with my three step plan.  

So stop reading already and go move!

Photo Credit Emily Wojtowicz

He is screaming and I am coloring. I’m not sure what else to do. It’s not nap time. He has had a snack. He isn’t too hot or too cold. He is well medicated and surrounded by favorite toys.

But he is still screaming. And so I am coloring. I write the words in the fancy hand script the way I use to practice on the notes I passed to friends. The ends curly with dots highlighting the edges. I use all of the colors, evenly of course. Life is better in an even rainbow of color.

“Live in the Sunshine.
Swim in the Sea.
Drink the Wild Air.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

What a lovely sentiment. What empowering message. I want to think on this, take it in, soak it up. Words of affirmation presented artistically are often healing for me. But not today. He is still screaming. I can’t even enjoy the messages of Emerson. That frustrates me.

We make it to naptime. It’s quiet now. Let’s make a cobbler I say, because I’m frustrated and tired and negative and maybe I need some culinary healing. Or a sugar rush.

The recipe calls for 4.5 pounds of peaches. I try to balance them all on my tiny scale but even with my incredible secret skills in great engineering feats, I cannot seem to get them to rest on top of one another. So I take a large heavy bowl, I place it on top of my little scale, and with the touch of a button, I am back to zero. Like the bowl doesn’t exist. It holds it all together but it doesn’t take up space.

That’s it. It suddenly hit me, as many of my great life lessons seem to do in the midst of my every day.

I need to recalibrate my life, I thought.  I need to zero out this day.

Seems like a jump from a simple math/cooking lesson. But maybe I need to zoom out to a larger picture of my day. It’s a solo parent day, which on a good day I look forward to, not because I like to be without my co-parent but because I sometimes appreciate the challenge, the chance to prove I can do it, and also the chance to watch my girly shows after hours. But day two of solo parenting starts to weigh heavy. Today there will be no break from the teething toddler and the child with a fever and a cold. I won’t bore you with the typical woes of our day, I’m sure you can fill in those blanks for me. Crying inconsolably. Sibling spats. Spilled food. General grossness. I don’t remember all the details. It’s not really the important part. What requires attention is just this was a day that challenged the inner rock star parent in me and led me to doubt my every move and thought.

I don’t like negativity and I especially despise it when it makes its way into the front of my brain. But negativity was making camp in my heart today and I needed something to stop it.

I need to recalibrate. This was my today. Today may be harder than yesterday. Tomorrow might be harder than today. But the crying and the neediness might be my new normal. Not forever. But for this time when my children are small and the days feel long.  I don’t see it as giving in and giving up. I see it as accepting the now for today and not seeing it as the now for tomorrow. Some days I might have more in me. Some days I may be more rested. Some days I may hold more patience or greater emotional balance or clearer eyes. All the peaches of life will balance as they should. Some days the kids just might be happier. Because they are human much like myself. Small things with good days and bad days like every other living breathing being and this is a very important element in the community of them and me and us.

But the other days call for a different method. Zero out the scale. Recalibrate. 

Recently I recalibrated 11,000 miles above sea level in a tiny humble cabin nestled between two mountains surrounded by the first people I ever truly loved, my family. There was no internet to fill my head with more things to do or not to do, to worry about or to learn from, to covet or to confess. Just the sun rising and setting each day. The fire to keep us warm and only the food we packed for the journey. In this simple abode, recalibration is part of the journey.  You are brought back to zero as soon as you cross into these mountains and further from your day to day. (PS stay tuned for an epic recap of that trip.)

I felt lucky enough to have this retreat to escape to with my family each year. But you don’t need a cabin in the woods to set your scale back to zero.

Sometimes that looks like going for a run, a walk, a yoga class late at night, a pilates video early in the morning. Sometimes it means doing what you love in the midst of their chaos, like coloring while they build/destroy block towers (or cry) or listen to your favorite new artist while they pull every book off the shelf.  Sometimes that means doing what they want to do for once, building the fort, reading that book for the fifth time today, wrestling on the floor. Sometimes that means doing what seems like the easy way out but just might be what we need today. Like an extra show, PBJ for dinner, leaving the messy kitchen for another day. Sometimes it means asking for help. Sometimes it means keeping to yourself. 

And sometimes it just means holding them through their tears, and maybe through your own. Sometimes it means seeing this bad day/week/phase as just that.

Teething baby? Zero it out.

Fevers and fussiness? Zero it out.

He’s more challenging than she was? Zero it out.

Alone and weak today? Zero it out.

Zero out the scale. Recalibrate. This is today. Not yesterday. Not last week. Not 2 years ago when it was just me with her. This is our today, his and hers and mine. Ours.

Add another line to Emerson’s poem. 

“Live in the Sunshine.
Swim in the Sea.
Drink the Wild Air.
And Zero it out.”

— Raise and Shine

Because everyone goes to bed eventually, the sun always sets. And then it rises again. You can shine again tomorrow.